The No. 1 Thing That Keeps Love Alive In A Relationship, By A Psychologist

The secret to lasting love isn't grand gestures or endless compatibility—it's the willingness to keep discovering new sides of your partner. According to psychologist Mark Travers, writing for Forbes, novelty is the single most powerful force that sustains romantic relationships over time.

In a world where couples often fall into predictable routines, research shows that those who actively seek out new experiences together report higher relationship satisfaction and lower divorce rates. The finding challenges the common belief that love fades naturally, suggesting instead that boredom—not conflict—is the real enemy of long-term passion.

The idea draws heavily on the self-expansion model, a well-established psychological framework pioneered by Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University. Aron's studies demonstrate that humans have a fundamental drive to grow and incorporate new experiences into their sense of self. When couples engage in novel, exciting activities—like traveling to unfamiliar places, trying a new hobby, or even tackling a challenging puzzle together—they effectively “reignite” the neural pathways associated with early romance. This process releases dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical, which mimics the excitement of falling in love.

Key research details include a landmark 2000 study by Aron and colleagues, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Couples who spent 10 minutes per week doing “exciting” activities together (chosen from a list of fun, novel tasks) showed significantly greater increases in relationship satisfaction over 10 weeks compared to couples who did “pleasant” but mundane activities. Another 2013 study from the University of North Carolina found that novelty boosts oxytocin levels, strengthening the bond between partners. Psychologist John Gottman, known for his work on marriage stability, has also emphasized that couples who maintain a “culture of curiosity” about each other are far less likely to divorce.

The broader implication is profound: love is not a static state to be preserved but a dynamic process that requires active cultivation. In an age where convenience and routine dominate—same restaurants, same TV shows, same weekend rituals—many couples inadvertently starve their relationships of the very ingredient that keeps them alive. The antidote is not more dates but more discovery. As Travers notes, “The more you know someone, the more there is to know.”

Looking ahead, relationship experts predict that “novelty maintenance” will become a core component of couples therapy and premarital education. Apps and coaching programs are already emerging to help partners design “shared adventure calendars.” The takeaway for any couple: if you want to keep love alive, stop trying to find the perfect partner—start trying to become a better explorer of the one you have.