2 ‘Selfish’ Habits That Make You A Better Partner, By A Psychologist

The habits that look like putting yourself first and distancing your partner are often the ones silently holding a relationship together. In a June 20, 2026 Forbes article, psychologist Mark Travers reveals two so-called selfish behaviors that actually strengthen romantic bonds. The lead insight: prioritizing your own needs and maintaining healthy emotional distance can make you a better partner, not a worse one.

For decades, self-help advice has urged couples to be selfless, constantly attentive, and merged. But Travers challenges that orthodoxy. He argues that chronic self-sacrifice breeds resentment, while maintaining personal space fosters autonomy and desire. His piece draws on attachment theory and modern psychology to reframe seemingly selfish acts as relational assets.

The first habit is putting yourself first — not always, but strategically. This means protecting your time, hobbies, and friendships even when your partner wants more togetherness. The second is creating deliberate distance — taking alone time, saying no to constant texting, or pursuing separate interests. These habits, Travers writes, prevent enmeshment and keep the relationship dynamic.

Travers is a practicing psychologist and regular contributor to Forbes. His article cites research on differentiation (the ability to stay your own person while connected) as a predictor of relationship satisfaction. It also references John Gottman’s work on the need for space in healthy marriages. No specific figures are given, but the piece synthesizes recognized theories.

The broader implication is that modern relationships suffer from an overcorrection toward togetherness. Social media and 24/7 connectivity pressure couples to merge identities. Travers’ advice offers a counterbalance: by being slightly selfish, you actually protect the partnership from burnout and boredom. Informed observers in couples therapy echo this — they see clients who sacrifice too much and later feel trapped.

Looking ahead, expect more relationship experts to advocate for boundaries and self-care as relationship skills, not flaws. As conversations around mental health grow, this paradigm shift from selflessness to balanced selfishness may become mainstream. Milestones to watch: inclusion of “healthy selfishness” in major relationship therapy frameworks and increased media coverage of the concept.

Selfish habits that make you a better partner — such as prioritizing your own needs and maintaining personal space — are gaining validation from both research and clinical practice. As Travers puts it, the best relationships are two whole individuals, not two halves.